tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post114734664114106841..comments2024-03-25T06:39:42.081-04:00Comments on Bonfire of the Vanities: Don't sweat confessionFr Martin Foxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01375628123126091747noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-13759447930243490602008-11-06T04:21:00.000-05:002008-11-06T04:21:00.000-05:00People who have either condition typically overest...People who have either condition typically overestimate the risk in a situation and underestimate their own resources for coping. Sufferers avoid what they fear instead of developing the skills to handle the kinds of situations that make them uncomfortable. Often enough, a lack of social skills is at the root. Some types of anxiety—obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, and social phobia—are particularly associated with depression. <A HREF="http://www.xanax-effects.com/" REL="nofollow"> http://www.xanax-effects.com/ </A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147923065827677992006-05-17T23:31:00.000-04:002006-05-17T23:31:00.000-04:00In college, I decided to go to confession after av...In college, I decided to go to confession after avoiding it for several years. After I confessed what I thought were the "usual" sins, the priest said I was no better than a barnyard animal and that I was on an iceberg bound for hell. I was so shocked, I actually passed out, which had never happened to me before (or since!) Needless to say, I couldn't finish the confession and stumbled out of the church devastated. I found out later that this priest said that to everyone.<BR/><BR/>I have a good laugh about it now, and so does everyone I tell. But I still get weak in the knees everytime I go to confession, that is IF I can make it into the confessional.<BR/><BR/>So, thank-you for your post. Keeping in mind your words I think will help me get over my PTCS.(Post Tramatic Confession Syndrome) :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147716085856322692006-05-15T14:01:00.000-04:002006-05-15T14:01:00.000-04:00That's a very helpful post, Father, save that I'm ...That's a very helpful post, Father, save that I'm not keen on your 'do something romantic with your spouse' - not because of scrupulosity as to whether I'd done it, but because it would be somehow terribly <I>un</I>romantic to do something romantic for a penance!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147585753127918102006-05-14T01:49:00.000-04:002006-05-14T01:49:00.000-04:00Its not? Oops! I didn't realize this. *sheepish* S...Its not? Oops! I didn't realize this. *sheepish* So, when you said, "One point I make about the penance is that is not a "punishment" nor even a "payment," but rather more like an "offering" and even more, healing," you basically meant that penance is like a gift or an opportunity to try to do better than you were doing which you are free to either accept or decline?Gregariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02361415775218081345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147556735475199282006-05-13T17:45:00.000-04:002006-05-13T17:45:00.000-04:00Woody:Good points. When I give a penance, I try to...Woody:<BR/><BR/>Good points. When I give a penance, I try to get a sense, from the penitent, what would work; and certainly, if someone were to tell me, in the confessional, what you told me, I'd gladly change it. I have done so.<BR/><BR/>So never be shy about saying that to a priest; and in any event, should you ever feel any concern about a failure to do a penance, simply mention it the next time, and I'm sure the next confessor will ease your mind (fyi, he can substitute a penance for what the prior priest gave you, if you ask). <BR/><BR/>And, do remember, your forgiveness is not contingent on your doing the penance!Fr Martin Foxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01375628123126091747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147546785972668392006-05-13T14:59:00.000-04:002006-05-13T14:59:00.000-04:00Dear Father,Thank you for your very edifying post ...Dear Father,<BR/><BR/>Thank you for your very edifying post and for all your good work. If I may just add my to cents' worth on a couple of points:<BR/><BR/>I personally prefer penances consisting of the usual prayers, e.g., "One Our Father, one Hail Mary and one Glory be for vocations" because I know that I can correctly fulfill that kind of penance (and also without delay, by doing so in the pew just after confession). The more specific penances tend to be harder for me to do, and very often leave me with the nagging question whether I really did what I was supposed to do correctly. <BR/><BR/>For example: Confessor: "Recite Psalm 22 prayerfully". Me later at home: "Did I just recite this psalm prayerfully or only by rote; was it OK for my mind to wander during part of the recitation even though I had pretty devout feelings during other parts? and what about when I fell asleep in the middle of it, was I supposed to start over again or just resume where I left off?" <BR/><BR/>I asked one of my confessors whether this might be scrupulosity on my part, but he said no, it was just the result of being a lawyer by trade.<BR/><BR/>Another thing about prayers as penances is that I can pray them again a second time for my confessor and his intentions. On the other hand, when the penance is to do an act of kindess, for example, for some reason I never seem to get around to doing that second one for my confessor, or more precisely, when the second act of kindness occurs, I have forgotten that it was a penance and that it was to be offered for him. <BR/><BR/>Finally, I prefer to go to confessors who know me (and thus know my high pitched nasal voice), because I think that they understand my struggles better than others to whom I am more anonymous. The advice is a little more directed to my personal circumstances, I think. Not to say that they are easier on me, though.<BR/><BR/>Wishing you all the best.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147488567931387662006-05-12T22:49:00.000-04:002006-05-12T22:49:00.000-04:00Sometimes just when you need to find something...t...Sometimes just when you need to find something...there it is. Thank you so much for writing this. <BR/><BR/>I went to confession for the first time in 15 years last year during Lent. I have tried hard to go more often this past year but it something I <B>really</B> struggle with.<BR/><BR/>I have known my parish priest since I was a boy and that makes it harder because I don't want him to think less of me. Prideful I know but that is what I struggle with. <BR/><BR/><A HREF="http://it.geocities.com/donjimusa/ExaminationConscience.rtf" REL="nofollow">Examination of Conscience</A> - I hope that is the one you were looking for.Jimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06777154195820383065noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147465198140598662006-05-12T16:19:00.000-04:002006-05-12T16:19:00.000-04:00Great post, Fr. I agree that hearing about what i...Great post, Fr. I agree that hearing about what it's like from 'the other side of the screen' is a good thing for us lay people.<BR/><BR/>While familiarity can breed contempt it can also breed a comfortableness with something - even when it may not be the 'most fun' think in the world to do. I think Confession is like this.<BR/><BR/>I think it would help us if priests preached on confession - not only as the main topic in a homily but also as an example of something a person should do or just mentioned in the homily. Having confession available more often - both days of the week, times of the day and enough time to make it a 'part of life'. My very large parish has only 30 min on Sat at 3:00. For busy families - this is a difficult time to break away and go to confession. It also gives the impression that it's not THAT important and that our Fathers don't REALLY expect it to be frequented often by a lot of people. Going every month or even every two weeks can certainly make it less stressful besides - the list is shorter! and less difficult to remember :) and you are more familiar with the rite.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147457666429830722006-05-12T14:14:00.000-04:002006-05-12T14:14:00.000-04:00"Don't Sweat Confession"Honestly, many if not most..."Don't Sweat Confession"<BR/>Honestly, many if not most do exactly that. Not only do they not sweat it they just don't go. It seems as if the sacrament has been resigned to be a sacrament only for serious or mortal sin. Many feel the little moment before mass is good enough, after all why go to confession for venial sins. Seems that Americans are buying into the protestant montra that you should take you sins directly to God hence, American Catholics resign confession to only mortal sins. Saddly, when they do have mortal sin the "take your sin directly to God" looks even more promising and along with that they buy into the new life, new new life, or get a life church to avoid confession all together and eventually leave the faith.<BR/>Venial sins grease the skids of mortal sin that much is true.<BR/>EricAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147451482600406482006-05-12T12:31:00.000-04:002006-05-12T12:31:00.000-04:00http://donjim.blogspot.com/2004_04_01_donjim_archi...http://donjim.blogspot.com/2004_04_01_donjim_archive.html#108234607559230859<BR/><BR/>2nd try/first one didn't include whole linkAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147451330946229022006-05-12T12:28:00.000-04:002006-05-12T12:28:00.000-04:00here's the Dappled Things link:http://donjim.blogs...here's the Dappled Things link:<BR/><BR/>http://donjim.blogspot.com/2004_04_01_donjim_archive.html#108234607559230859Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147450559804991872006-05-12T12:15:00.000-04:002006-05-12T12:15:00.000-04:00No, I didn't report it to his superiors. He was n...No, I didn't report it to his superiors. He was not a diocesan priest so I would have had to go to his order (which ran my HS). As a teenager the thought of doing that was very overwhelming on top of an already disasterous situation.<BR/><BR/>After all, the last thing I wanted was *more* people inside my confession.<BR/><BR/>Once he realized what a terrible, terrible mistake he made he was suitably horrified and very apologetic. I figure he learned his lesson, and left it at that. <BR/><BR/>It's good to know that you would consider it a 'good confession'. I do think that at some point I should just get over it and be able to stop being so general in what I confess. That's one of those things I pray for...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147435653804169152006-05-12T08:07:00.000-04:002006-05-12T08:07:00.000-04:00anonymous:I am very sorry to hear about what happe...anonymous:<BR/><BR/>I am very sorry to hear about what happened to you.<BR/><BR/>Did you or anyone report that priest's breach of the confessional to his bishop? That is distressing beyond words.<BR/><BR/>If it is any consolation, given the circumstances you are describing, you are definitely making a "good confession."Fr Martin Foxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01375628123126091747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147435318362035532006-05-12T08:01:00.000-04:002006-05-12T08:01:00.000-04:00K:I didn't read all of St. Francis' book, so I gue...K:<BR/><BR/>I didn't read all of St. Francis' book, so I guess the general confession part was in what I didn't read.<BR/><BR/>Far be it for me to disagree with a saint! But I'd be curious why he recommended it: did he recommend it for everyone? For particular circumstances?<BR/><BR/>The idea of the general confession has been that one does it at major points in ones life; I want to say I made one before my ordination as a deacon, but to be honest now, I can't recall!<BR/><BR/>So I'd say it's up to you. I don't recommend anyone writing anything down; I'm not saying you aren't allowed, I just don't recommend it.<BR/><BR/>More important is to realize that in making a general confession, you are <I>not</I> seeking absolution <I>again</I> for previously confessed sins! This is very important (and why I am hesitant about this): those sins were confessed and absolved, and they are gone as far as God is concerned!<BR/><BR/>Rather, a general confession is about examining the overall direction of your life--both in acknowledging sins that persist, but also giving you the opportunity to see how God has worked in your life. <BR/><BR/>It's not something one does over and over.<BR/><BR/>Finally, in case this wasn't obvious -- this is something to discuss with a spiritual director or a priest who knows you well.Fr Martin Foxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01375628123126091747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147418242269090382006-05-12T03:17:00.000-04:002006-05-12T03:17:00.000-04:00When I was in HS I had a priest break the seal of ...When I was in HS I had a priest break the seal of confession.<BR/><BR/>It was bad. Very, very bad. <BR/><BR/>The worst part of it all was that he had misunderstood what I was talking about and totally jumped to the wrong conclusion. His actions pretty much destroyed my trust in priests and my relationship with my parents. Like I said, very bad.<BR/><BR/>So... after that experience I have a terribly hard time with confession.<BR/><BR/>It takes a great deal of effort for me to build up the courage to attempt to make a good confession... and then I usually fail.<BR/> <BR/>I get a great deal out of the process of examination of conscience and I can actually go to church and even go into the confessional... but then I freeze - and I go for the overly general version of confession. <BR/><BR/>If a priest questions me at all I freak. I have actually bolted from the confessional (I am fairly certain he thought I was crazy)<BR/><BR/>I kind of wish I could find a priest to tell the story to and say.. 'ok, so I really don't trust you - but I really want to so here goes' and then give one solid detailed confession. <BR/><BR/>But then I figure that would be unfair to the priest to have to deal with the repurcusions of the actions of a different priest.<BR/><BR/>I know my sins are boring and I know that now there is no reason that a priest would tell anyone... but still, I have that distrust. <BR/><BR/>I figure that between my through personal examination of conscience and the awfully general confession... I should be covered. But I do really wish I could make a good confession.<BR/><BR/>Not that you care - but I just wanted to put out there that there might be very good reasons for people going the overly general route.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147406948086276312006-05-12T00:09:00.000-04:002006-05-12T00:09:00.000-04:00Father, Thank you so much for your post. It gives...Father, Thank you so much for your post. It gives much to see things from your perspective.<BR/><BR/>I do have a question for you, if you don't mind answering it here. I am currently reading "Introduction to the Devout Life" by St. Francis DeSales. He recommends that one does a General Confession. I do attend confession fairly regularly but still feel I should comply with his direction in this instance. Do you recommend this and if so, could you explain how one would do so? ie do I write down everything I can remember? do I make an "appointment" to do this? do I confess sins that I have already confessed or is that a sin? Thank you for any help you can offer.Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03038743473739366061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147401009325523532006-05-11T22:30:00.000-04:002006-05-11T22:30:00.000-04:00I get so used to "Say three Our Fathers" kind of p...I get so used to "Say three Our Fathers" kind of penances that when once recently I went to a priest who turned out to really only speak Spanish and he assigned "Ten Our Fathers and Ten Hail Marys" I found myself wondering, "Wow. What exactly did he think I said I did?" :-)<BR/><BR/>Fr. Fox,<BR/><BR/>No, I didn't take you to think that sinners were boring. Though now I think about it, I think perhaps one of my problems is that I often go to confession thinking my own sins are boring -- as in thinking "Oh man, got to go confess these again" rather than seeing my sins as thorns pressing into Christ's head. I suppose after starting out on the scrupulous side (and, indeed, serious OCD runs in my family, though I am lucky enough not to be subject to it) to being too casual. I'll have to remember that.Darwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08572976822786862149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147396680913640242006-05-11T21:18:00.000-04:002006-05-11T21:18:00.000-04:00Very nice to hear the priest's point of view! Than...Very nice to hear the priest's point of view! Thank you!Gregariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02361415775218081345noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147395983069671102006-05-11T21:06:00.000-04:002006-05-11T21:06:00.000-04:00The thing is, if we get into the mindset of wantin...The thing is, if we get into the mindset of wanting our penance to be the atonement for our sins then we've missed the whole point of confession.<BR/><BR/>I'm speaking to myself just as much as anyone else since like many people I can leave the sacrament thinking to myself "What?! An Our Father and Hail Mary?! Did Father not hear what I said?!"<BR/><BR/>While we're on the topic of penance, I've also had some more creative penances before, such as been given a particular passage of Scripture to read and reflect upon which related to what I was struggling with or where I was at in my spiritual life. Of course, there's also the praying for those you've offended. During Lent once I was given "prayer, fasting, and almsgiving" (well, a little more specific, but falling into each of those categories). I thought that was appropriate.<BR/><BR/>Personally, I always appreciate a penance that relates more specifically to my particular weaknesses or struggles, even if it's as simple as "pray x Hail Mary's (or Our Fathers) for help with [fill in the blank]."DPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13195133313571297243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147392907254042612006-05-11T20:15:00.000-04:002006-05-11T20:15:00.000-04:00When I first became a Catholic, I found the light ...When I first became a Catholic, I found the light penances I kept getting something of a burden. I so wanted to climb a great, slippery cliff with all my armor tied on my back or something.<BR/><BR/>I've since realized that my sins aren't all that great, and acquiring the humility to accept an easy penance did me loads more good than a hair shirt.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147390540443612212006-05-11T19:35:00.000-04:002006-05-11T19:35:00.000-04:00Fr Benedict Groschel said, in a Catholic Answers p...Fr Benedict Groschel said, in a Catholic Answers programme a few years ago, that scruplosity was a form of obsessive compulsive disorder and that there is medication which can help. He recommended going to a practising Catholic psychiatrist.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147386250102625322006-05-11T18:24:00.000-04:002006-05-11T18:24:00.000-04:00anonymous 1 said:"I pray every day for the strengt...anonymous 1 said:<BR/><BR/>"I pray every day for the strength to go, but as yet, I have not been moved."<BR/><BR/>Well, I don't want to make light of your situation, particularly as I don't know you at all, but:<BR/><BR/>Sometimes you just need to kick yourself in the rear-end, if you get my meaning. I.e., just go!<BR/><BR/>Or, if you like, just commit to going to <I>church</I> during confession time...then, go stand in line (you can always look at your watch, pretend you forgot something, and you have to leave reluctantly...).<BR/><BR/>My point being, maybe you don't want to wait for God to <I>make</I> you go, or send you a gold-plated invitation.<BR/><BR/>Darwin:<BR/><BR/>I don't think you meant this, or took me this way, but lest there be any unintended confusion...<BR/><BR/>When I said <I>sin</I> is boring, I in no way want to suggest I find <I>penitents</I> boring. <BR/><BR/>Yes, occasionally someone needs a little help summing up; but generally, I am in awe of the event to which I am privy...<BR/><BR/>Dave: there are times I give someone an intentionally light penance, for various reasons.<BR/><BR/>Anonymous 2:<BR/><BR/>I would suggest you ask for an appointment with a priest, for the purpose of hearing your confession, and when making the appointment, explain to him you need help doing an examination of conscience; he may either suggest or provide something in advance. Or, he may say--as I sometimes do--"don't worry, I can walk you through it."<BR/><BR/>See, I would not presume to lead a penitent sin-by-sin, because I think that would be rather unpleasant, and perhaps seem accusatory. However, if someone asks, that changes everything.<BR/><BR/>You know, if you go to Dappled Things (see the link on my main page), somewhere there Father Jim Tucker has prepared a very good and concise examination of conscience. If I find it, and can get to it, I'll post it on my page, but that may be a day or two!Fr Martin Foxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01375628123126091747noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147385803630576322006-05-11T18:16:00.000-04:002006-05-11T18:16:00.000-04:00The best advice I've heard a priest give on going ...The best advice I've heard a priest give on going to confession is this:<BR/><BR/>"Be bold. Be specific. Be gone."<BR/><BR/>Be bold enough to say it as it is, don't try and make up stories to explain the situation because that usually ends up in you trying to lessen the blame on yourself or pass the blame to someone else. Don't make excuses. Just boldly say it as it is.<BR/><BR/>Remember to be specific enough. Kind and number.<BR/><BR/>Be gone. Trust in the mercy of God. Go in peace and know that you are forgiven.DPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13195133313571297243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147383262226740362006-05-11T17:34:00.000-04:002006-05-11T17:34:00.000-04:00Good post.Thank you.I should mention my usual issu...Good post.<BR/><BR/>Thank you.<BR/><BR/>I should mention my usual issue with confession.<BR/><BR/>I confess, then turn around and do it again, and again…. ad naseum.<BR/><BR/>Course, I probably need a bit more ego busting!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14168956.post-1147376501188151412006-05-11T15:41:00.000-04:002006-05-11T15:41:00.000-04:00This gives me occasion to remind you, dear reader,...This gives me occasion to remind you, dear reader, that when you go to confession, the priest does not, merely, assign a penance; the penitent must accept it. <BR/><BR/>Response:<BR/>Beautiful insight. As a person who is scrupulous (much less than I used to be), this is very good. Sometimes a scrupulous person thinks that he is not contrite enough. To accept the penance means to accept it even if we think it is not "hard" enough. If we are given a penance which consists only of praying one Our Father, then we should embrace it. "The Devil does not fear austerity but holy obedience," says St. Francis de Sales. That includes obeying what the priests tell you; if he tells you it's not a sin, then it's not a sin, etc. <BR/><BR/>Thanks for the post.Aphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04226017144967122488noreply@blogger.com