Tuesday, August 01, 2006

A Scandal in Vandalia

If you read about my dinner with Rich Leonardi and Victor Morton last night at Rich's Ten Reasons, I can confirm that it happened; but I must confess, that was a highly sanitized account. I surreptitiously taped the entire evening, and herewith follow the shocking details...

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Hey honey, gimme a beer, huh?"

"Dude, my sitemeter numbers are way higher than yours. Heh heh."

"Better gimme a full rack; wouldn't want to hurt the owner's feelings."

"Mild sauce? I don't want anything 'mild.'"

"Hey, honey, how about another beer?"

"So, uh, what do you think about the state of catechesis?"

Glug, glug.

(carnivorous chewing noises.)

"My kids are doing great. I--"

"Hey, doll, how about another beer?"

"Huh--I thought these ribs had bones in them..." (burp!).

"The Republicans are toast in Ohio--and it's all the liturgists' fault!"

"I dunno--how do you know they aren't the world's true parents? Huh? Huh?!?"

"That's the nice thing about wearing black--hides stains... hey--you gonna use those potato skins?"

"Hey, sweetcakes, how about another beer?"

"Why not make it two?"

(Manager): "Um, I wonder if you gentleman could hold it down..."

"What? Who are you calling gentleman? Do you know who we are? See this red-headed guy? He used to be the Tommy Hearnes of Little Italy in Rochester! Don't mess with us..."

"Um, that was awhile ago..."

"Hey, toots, how about another beer?"

"Sir, if you could just calm down a little bit..."

"You talk to me that way? You know who I am?

"Well, I'm starting to get an idea..."

"Yeah, keep talking, smart guy--wait till we blog about you!

"Um, Sir, this is a family establishment, and..."

"Um, we'll take the check...I've got a long drive to Cincinnati..."

"You're a progressive, aren't you? That's it--a progressive! You're all out to get us!"

"What's the hurry? Let's have another beer!"

"Take your hands off me! I own Piqua!"

--- tape ends here because recorder was smashed in ensuing melee---

8 comments:

Rich Leonardi said...

If you play the tape backwards, you can hear XU's Ken Overberg sing a Haugen/Haas four-hymn sandwich.

Victor said...

(Victor tries to think of a comment ...)

Nah, to heck with it. I'll just have another beer.

Victor said...

Plus, I note that Padre was drinking beer, too.

Well, actually Miller Lite. So I guess he wasn't.

Moof said...

*LOL* That sounded like quite a ... um ... dinner!

Did he ever get his beer? ;o)

Dale said...

Miller Lite?!?!

The grey borderlands between venial and mortal, Father....

I am pleased to report that the Northern stop of the 2006 Victor Morton North American Tour didn't involve the use of the word "Toots."

At least I don't think so...

Anonymous said...

My gosh, Father, I had no idea what a party animal you are!!! Didn't see any of that at the Colloquium ... hmmm... wonder what Fr. Skeris would say, LOL!

God bless,
Pat Gonzalez

Dad29 said...

At least no one was nailed for 42-over and slightly DUI...

Father Martin Fox said...

Pat:

As you will recall, we didn't have beer and ribs at any point ... we had crudites and mimosas (mimosae?); and when we had wine, it ran out (didn't you wonder why?)!